Fasting...What did it reveal? Much....

Every year Ramiro goes on a fast. He has been doing this since 2000. His fast's vary. Sometimes they last a few days and have lasted all the way to a full forty days. They consist of refraining from various things. Every time Ramiro goes on a fast the Lord is always faithful to speak and move in our lives. Although I have seen the hand of God through Ramiro seeking for Him through fasting, I have never had the determination, desire or discipline to join him. BUT...this year was different. For some time now I have felt a great need and desire to get healthy. My weight was skyrocketing and I felt awful. So in complete honesty I started a forty day fast with Ramiro on January 1st in an attempt to get healthy and lose weight. Up until January 16th it had pretty much been a cake walk. It was not hard to refrain from eating. I was simply just sticking to water, juice and broth and I was fine. BUT then the Lord spoke to me. You see inwardly, much more then my weight, I was struggling with unforgiveness and shame. The Lord told me I was hiding and embarrassed because of the falling out I had with another person. I could see how unhealthy and unwhole I was. I was walking with fear and I just didn't know how to let it go. I remember on Monday night, January 17th, standing at my sink, washing dishes, thinking about what was going on in my heart. I began to pray..."Lord I don't know what to do anymore. I am consumed by this. It has affected every area of my life and I just don't know how to let it go. I don't even know what it looks like to lay this situation down at your feet. All I know is that I am going to do it and trust you will somehow help me, because Jesus I need you. I really need you!" Well the very next morning I was doing my BSF homework and low and behold the answer to my prayer came. As I studied Isaiah 37: 9-17 I saw a word picture of King Hezekiah learning thru a message that the Assyrian army was coming to destroy Judah. With great fear he took the message and LAID it before the Lord in the temple and worshiped the Lord. To me, that was a picture of what it looks like to lay something down before the Lord. Needless to say, the Lord helped King Hezekiah and I was hopeful He would help me too. Two nights later, I followed my husbands lead and went to embrace the very people I feared. The Lord gave me courage, strength and humility to do what I needed to do to receive the healing I so desperately need to be healthy and whole. I needed to let go, trust God and forgive. But I could only do those things with the help of the Lord. As of today I feel so cleansed. The fear, the shame and guilt is gone. I am so thankful for God's greatness and for being my Lord. Well, needless to say I was encouraged to continue the fast BUT it got harder! It was harder to stay away from food. All I wanted to do was eat and I craved everything. Well I lasted until the 30th of Jan. Again the Lord spoke to me. After the 17th the fast became about losing weight not seeking Him. The Lord showed me to get healthy physically it was going to require hard work on my part, a sacrifice, which I was not willing to do because I'm...LAZY!!! But I realized I couldn't go on starving myself. I learned that I need to learn how to eat! I need to watch what I am putting in my mouth and how much!! And... I need to started exercising!!! So I am doing those things. It has been hard! But I determined to change my bad habits into good ones, get healthy and keep the weight off. All to the Glory of God!!!

Keep me in your prayers.
I need them.
Phileo,
Patsy


^{Isaiah 37: 9-17
9} Now Sennacherib received a report that Tirhakah, the king of Cush, was marching out to fight against him. When he heard it, he sent messengers to Hezekiah with this word: ¹⁰ “Say to Hezekiah king of Judah: Do not let the god you depend on deceive you when he says, ‘Jerusalem will not be given into the hands of the king of Assyria.’ ¹¹ Surely you have heard what the kings of Assyria have done to all the countries, destroying them completely. And will you be delivered? ¹² Did the gods of the nations that were destroyed by my predecessors deliver them—the gods of Gozan, Harran, Rezeph and the people of Eden who were in Tel Assar? ¹³ Where is the king of Hamath or the king of Arpad? Where are the kings of Lair, Sepharvaim, Hena and Ivvah?”

Hezekiah’s Prayer

 ¹⁴ Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD. ¹⁵ And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD: ¹⁶ “LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. ¹⁷ Give ear, LORD, and hear; open your eyes, LORD, and see; listen to all the words Sennacherib has sent to ridicule the living God.

Me in December 2010 at 150 lbs.

Me as of February 1, 2011 at 132 lbs.

My Purpose, Is His Purpose

 Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, "Who see's us? Who will know?" You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "He did not make me"? Can the pot say of the potter, "He knows nothing"? Isaiah 29:15-16


This little, itty, bitty nugget came from my BSF study this morning. It brought with it great thought and understanding. In our society today I see it and hear it everywhere. What is your purpose? What are you going to do with your life? There are even books and counselors to help guide me to find what I'm "created to do." How arrogant! How ignorant to think like that! To think I know what my future holds, how to make it happen and how to get there. And yet, for most of my life, that is how I thought. At a very early age, I wanted to have it all and I wanted to have it fast. I wanted to become a nurse, own a flower shop, buy a house and get married. By age twenty-three it happened. I graduated from nursing school in August 1995, got married September 1995, bought a flower shop February 1996 and bought our first home September 1999. Now how's that for making things happen! But you see, even though I had all that "success", I had accomplished "great things", I was still a failure. In reality I hadn't accomplished anything at all. You see, we had just come to know of Jesus in September 1996. I worshiped Him with my mouth but my heart, my heart, was very far from Him. Read Isaiah 29:13-14, he is speaking of His own people. At this point I qualify. When I look back now, fifteen years later, fifteen years of being shaped, molded and worked on by the Lord I realize and see things so much different...it is not my life to lead, but rather it is His hand to follow. Even up to a few months ago. Again, God showed and said, "It is my purpose you were created for." And what is that purpose...I think it quite ironic... Simply to raise my family. Why ironic? There's no glory there, there's no wowing anyone with being a mom. People aren't impressed by my title..."homemaker." Ahhh, but God is. God knows me all to well. It's true. He knows what "success" does to me...it cause great pride! But humility... it causes great submission! And after all that is were the Lord wants me. He wants me in a place where I can submit and not resist. Where I will obey what He desires to do in my life. What does He want? He wants something I would have never planned for myself, something where the focus is not on what I can accomplish to bring me glory but rather what God can accomplish through me to bring Him great, great glory. My purpose...to raise my children, build my home and love my husband, all to the Glory of God. He desires a new generation of Gutierrez's that will know Him, love Him and serve Him. May His will be done! 
What is your purpose?
Phileo,
Patsy

Being Simon Peter

 Do you notice the resemblance? It's Simon Peter! You know, one of Jesus' chosen disciples. Sure, we could be twins! All you have to do is look real good and you can see what I see... that we are much more alike then you know.


Just what am I talking about... pride, shame, hurt, weeping, arrogance, weakness... the list goes on and on. Peter was God's chosen "Rock." But he was also God's chosen weakling. God used the very makings of Peter to show me a mirror of myself.
Rewind, April 2009, I sat with my friend, complaining as usual. I was talking about this Christian and that Christian and why don't they do things like this and why don't they do things like that? And in the middle of my rampage my sweet friend turned to me and said, "Patsy, I can tell you exactly what your problem is!" "Oh yeah", I said, "What is it?" "Your problem is pride.", she said. I said, "Well of course I'm proud, look at all that God has done in my life. Look at where I once was and look now. Look how much change he has done!"
Wrong answer!!! My reply should have been one of gratefulness and thankfulness that He had done anything at all. But for the next twelve months the Lord took me on a journey to show me my pride, to humiliate me with it, weep for site of my sin and bring me back to forgiveness and grace.
 Impulsive and boastful Peter said in Mark 14: 29, "Even if all fall away, I will not!!!" Isn't that pretty much what I was saying? No one else can endure the way I can. No one else loves you more than me! They will fall, no doubt. But not me Lord, no way! But did Peter fall? Absolutely, and he fell in front of them all. It was humiliating!
On the very night Jesus was arrested he was pretty much told by Jesus to calm down, don't make such arrogant claims, for this very night you will indeed fall away. As a matter of fact you will completely deny you ever knew me! But Peter doubted, even exclaiming I will never disown you! He didn't yet fully believe that Jesus knows the inward makings of the heart. He didn't fully know the limits of his own weakness and strength.  So Jesus was going to have to prove it to him and teach a lesson that he would learn well and never forget.
Mark 14: 66-72, Matthew 26: 69-75, Luke 22: 54-62 and John 18: 15-27 all give accounts of Peters betrayal and fall. In addition they speak about him being broken and weeping bitterly. Those are quite descriptive.  Broken, just what did he need to be broken of? His pride, his arrogance, his self-will.
 Weeping bitterly, what for? Perhaps he saw himself for what he was. A betrayer ranked among the lines of Judas. He saw his sin and ultimately what he was capable of on his on strength.
From the death of Jesus, to the resurrection, to when we finally see Jesus meet with Peter and some of the other disciples on the beach we really never hear pride from Peter again. You see Jesus, in his gentle love, restores Peter. He makes sure to make it known. "Feed my Lambs." In other words care for my very own, love them as you have loved me and as I love you. I never read Peter making a boastful claim that he loves Jesus more then the other when Jesus asks, "Do you love me more then these?" As a matter of fact he is beside himself again with wonder because he knows that fall he just had and he also knows that Jesus knows his heart better then he does. But in Jesus' gentle way He loves on Peter and brings him back to that place where he can walk in confidence with his Savior.
Is that me? Absolutely! God just took me through a humiliating season of seeing how far I can really go for Jesus. He showed me how much sin was in my heart, how much shame I bring him when I fail him and fall and most of all the lonely feeling of not having his presence with me. And I wept... I wept bitterly to see me as I was. I experienced humility once my pride was removed and I was able to call upon the name of the Lord to forgive and he did.
What did I learn? Never again will I boost that God has done more in my life or that I am more faithful than another. John 15:5 "Apart from me you can do nothing!"And that is the truth!
One other note that I was thinking of today. It will be one year this June 2nd that I suffered a miscarriage,  and as sorrowful as that loss was... it was nothing compared to the sorrow I felt for disappointing my Lord and not having His presence felt near me!
Blessings, Patsy

Who is Jorgie

 She is Little Ms. Social. She knows no stranger. I know, I know... be careful! Believe me I am. But this is the situation. When Jeri was born I remember I was not too friendly at all. I was not likeable and I didn't like many. Needless to say... I really did not know Jesus at that time in my life, and it was evident.  Jeri was a lot like me. She too kept more to herself. And in many ways I, we, can still be like that. Not so much mean but just withdrawn. Anyway I tell you that to say this... When Jorgie was born I remembered how I was and how that caused Jeri to be. I told myself I was going to let everyone talk to me and her, and in return we were going to be friendly back. Well God is faithful... that is exactly the way she is.

               
 She's the life of our family. She is certainly going through her different age and learning seasons but overall she is a delight. She has brought so much joy to each of us individually and as a family. God has been so good to us all.

Who knows, she may even be a doctor some day!
Love you so much, Jorgie!


Her jingle:
Cause I am baby
Just a little baby
Look at me
Look, Look at me ee!

Who is Jeri

Jeri is my little Gymnast! 

Two years ago she was stuck to the television watching gymnastics event after gymnastics event during the 2008 Olympics. Next thing I knew she was flipping while she went from room to room inside the house instead of walking. So in August of 2009 we enrolled her in Gymnastic lessons for beginners. She has only been practicing for six months but "Wow" what she has learned is amazing!

 Back-bridge... 
            
            Hand- stand...


                                

Bars....


             Flips.....


                     Oh what fun!
      
Love you so much, Jeri!

Jeri has her own little jingle too; But I wouldn't want to  embarrass  her by posting it for all to see. Let just say it brings with "And Jeri Curl...", that should be enough. Anyway Jeri is a lot like her mama. One of the things I see growing in her is a real domestic side. She even has a little apron that she wears... just like mine. She loves being in the kitchen helping and learning. 
Jeri is my second daughter and she is ten.

Who is Jamie

Jamie Danielle Gutierrez....
     My oldest daughter, Jamie, has brought great delight to my life. She is so much like her daddy. Not only do they look alike, they also act alike. Both have two of the softest spirits I have ever met. Jamie loves many things and is good at many things. But one of her greatest accomplishments came earlier this year.

Jamie played on the FEAST middle school A team for the 2009/ 2010 school year. Her team won the district championship against area private schools and then went on to compete in the Junior Varsity National School Tournament in Omaha, NE. We were all overcome with joy when the San Antonio Patriots beat the defending champs. This was such a huge accomplishment for Jamie and her team. Jamie walked away expereincing the joy of victory after hard work. It was a great life lesson for her at such a young age.

Way to go Jamie!
I love you so much!


When Jamie was a baby I would sing a little jingle to her "often!" I can't say exactly where it came from but it became very catchy. After a few years Disney made a movie called Monsters, Inc, where the cute & cuddly little girl was named "Bo." Well, not only was the name fitting for Jamie's song but the character also looked like Jamie at that age.

Here's a look at that song:

You're my Bo from Shmo.
You're my Bo from Shmo.
You're just a little baby girl,
You go swimming in a tub.
You're my Bo from Shmo.

What do you think?

Finding Forgiveness

The more I read the scriptures and learn the way Jesus handled and reacted to situations, the more I am in awe. I realize how much I am  not like him, and yet, how much I desire to be.

Forgiveness. Since becoming a Christian I have heard how Jesus forgives me, how I must forgive myself and how I must forgive others. But the reality of being able to accomplish forgiveness is so much harder than it seems.

Today I am challenged by the example of  Corrie ten Boom. She lived to give freedom to others. The ten Boom family hid, fed and protected Jews during Nazi-occupied Holland in 1944.  After being turned into Nazi authorities, Corrie, her sisiter Betsie, and her father Casper were arrested, beaten and charged with hiding Jews.  Both, Betsie and Casper died in prison. Corrie was eventually released in June 1945.

Corrie eventually learned the informant was a neighbor who came to ask the family for help. Four months after being released from Ravensbruck death camp, Corrie wrote the following letter.

     ... I heard that most probably you are the one who betrayed me. I went through ten months of concentration camp. My father died...and my sister died in prison. The harm you planned was turned into good for me by God. I came nearer to Him. I have prayed for you, that the Lord may accept you if you will repent. I have forgiven you everything. God will also forgive you everything if you ask Him... 

This was the beginning and the turning point of her life's work. She went on to become a public speaker and author of five best-selling books. She established rehabilitation homes for people scarred by the war. She later said she was simply "the skin on the hands of God."

     But before she was able to accomplish so much God had to first teach her about forgiveness... which ultimately led her to first forgive her betrayer.

I am challenged by Corrie's example. How many times have I been wronged and did not react with forgiveness. Her choice to forgive came from the deep understanding of Christ's forgiveness for her. Only now am I starting to see the greatness in using "those things that were meant to destroy" for my own benefit. Today my prayer is that I will be more like Corrie; More like Jesus.

Adaptation and readings taken from 

The One Year Christian History by

E. Michael & Sharon Rusten

Lord, You are Good!

"LORD, You are good and do good. God Himself has done it; we are satisfied with Him."
Those are some of the most accurate, truthful and beautiful words I know. When I think on God's sovereignty, His hands controlling all things, I am brought great, great comfort and peace, even in the midst of not understanding. How about you?

Today I bring another challenge to you, if you are willing. Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you today, to speak to you and develop a passion to surrender to His will for your life.

...These are not mere words and they did not come from my own tongue. "George Muller said, "LORD, You are good and do good. God Himself has done it; we are satisfied with Him." Who is George Muller? He lived in 19th century Britain. He was highly involved in missions and ran an orphanage. He was a man of prayer and the Lord was faithful to meet his needs. However, his faith was tested on February 6, 1870, when his beloved wife Mary died of rheumatic fever. The illness made her body incredibly weak and frail. It is noted that during the last six days of her life she endured terrible suffering until at last she died.
George performed the service at her funeral where he sited Psalm 119:68, and made three distinguished points. First, 'The Lord was good and did good, in giving her to me. Second, The Lord was good, and did good, in so long leaving her to me. And third, The Lord was good, and did good, in taking her from me.' He said, 'As a husband, I feel more and more every day that I am without this pleasant, useful, loving companion; but I also say, I shall meet her again, to spend a happy eternity with her.'
A close friend reported that after the funeral Muller sat at the vestry table, buried his face in his hands, and did not speak or move for two hours. But in his loneliness and grief he could still say to the Lord, 'You are good and do good."...

As I read this story I could not help but to look back on my own life. Yesterday I was a youth and today I am a middle-aged woman. And yet, only the Lord knows what tomorrow may hold. When I stop and think on the events that have occurred in my life I also need to ask myself if I am able to say, "The Lord was good and did good."
How about you? When you think back, when you look at what you are living through right now, are you able to say, "The Lord was good, is good and does good?" Or are there events that have caused you to doubt His promise?
Today think on the great goodness of God. The great mercy He extends to us. The unlimited grace He bestows on us. The unfathomable forgiveness He offers sinners such as I. When I look at the Cross and remember what Christ has done for me...indeed, I can say, "The LORD has been very good, and He is good."

You are good, and what you do is good;
teach me your decrees. -Psalm 119:68

Blessing,
Patsy
Reading taken from the One Year Christian History by E. Michael & Sharon Rusten