Reading and relating to stories with a real desire to know not just any god but ultimately the true and living God found only in the person of Jesus Christ, the Savior.
Do Not Be Deceived!
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves." -Jesus (Matthew 7:15)
My Family...the Writers and so much more.
The love for writing has been captured in my daughter Jeri. Actually my love for flowers, creativity, writing, pondering and simplicity are all quite reflective in who she is. Now she would like to share her thoughts with you. You can visit her at http://thebasketofflowers.blogspot.com/
Why Write?
Someone asked me the other night why do I write on my blog. Two reasons...First, for myself. It is a way for me to consider my thoughts. I may not have all the answers but I am certainly searching for them. Secondly, I write for my daughters. I plan to have these memoirs turned into a book someday. Then when the day comes that I am no longer physically with them my girls can read my thoughts, the things I pondered, what I believed, how I struggled, who I loved and what I hated. And in reading they will know me and know my ways. Kinda like the Bible.
It's been a few months since I wrote...that is a slight indication of how busy I have been.
But I have to share a moment I just had with Jorgie.
Good old Jorgie. My four year old. That says it all right there.
Jorgie is going through a time of growth...mentally, physically, emotionally,
behaviorally and most of all spiritually. She is having to endure the consequences of...
simply put...bad behavior. Shocked!!! Don't be. We are born sinners. We have to be taught good. We are born with a desire to do wrong and little Ms. Jorgie is no different. But as I rubbed her back while she fell asleep I couldn't help but be grateful for the moment I was having with her...and yes, the moments that led up to it.
You see Jorgie was doing what she does best right now...throwing fits!! She doesn't get what she wants...she throws a fit. This time was no different. So I tried to sit her down for a moment but her fit just grew and then eventually grew into hitting me, pulling my hair and telling me I was "bad." So as she endured her "reward" for that she finally started to calm down. I began to give her a bath, get her dressed, read her a Bible story, lay her in bed, talk with her, pray with her, sing to her, hold her and then eventually kissed her as she fell asleep. Do you know how much time it took to carry that "moment" out? Quite a bit! Had I been to busy to truly love my daughter I would have missed that moment to teach, to discipline, to love, to talk, to hold, to pray, to guide and to forgive. That moment was just as much for Jorgie as it was for me. I am so grateful God has given me the time to really raise my daughters. I have been given the time to do all God has commanded me to that is required in caring for and raising children. Is it hard? Yes! Do I "love" these teachable, revelation filled moments? Not while I am going through it. It is when it is finished that I feel the rest and the benefit. There are many lessons learned tonight. I have a grateful heart unto my God who has granted the steps of my life to learn these lessons!
Great Expectations a message from Stephen Davey from Wisdom for the Heart.Heard this message while I was cleaning the girls classroom in preparations for the upcoming week. And you know I am glad I listened. I have many expectations in my life. I have also had expectations that have failed or never came to pass which have caused such great disappointment that sometimes it is simply easier to not expect anything at all. But I have also seen many of my expectations met. And I have been blind sighted by both good and bad expectations. But currently this message helps because right now I am hoping, preparing and expecting to have another baby before I get to old. I am 37 years old. To God it is young but to man that is maybe...a bit past child bearing years. In June 2009 I had a miscarriage. I remember it quite well. Recently a friend of mine had found out unexpectantly she was pregnant. I remember telling her, "I hope it happens like that for me! I have always planned my pregnancies." Well, it did. Shortly afterward I found out I was pregnant...but you know I wasn't happy and grateful like I thought I would be. I looked at our situation and thought this is not the time for another bay. I was ashamed! Well, a few weeks later I lost that baby. Now I am NOT a name it and claim it believer. I don't think I have so much power that I possess the ability to cause things to happen. I think God is Sovereign! Why that pregnancy was lost I do not know. But what did I learn...to simply trust God and His will for my life. So now I find myself in expectation again. Hoping that I will receive another chance to have another child. This message helps because whether that chance comes or not, God's will for my life, His love for me are so much better then what I can will for myself. I'm encouraged...I hope it encourages you too!
Let’s fill in the blank. Jesus said, “In this life you will have all your requests granted.” No! Second Corinthians states that Paul asked three times to have some unknown torment removed, but the Lord refused. Rather then granting his desire the Lord gave Paul additional grace to help him in his weakness. Did Jesus say, “In this life you will be liked and appreciated, especially for your pursuit of righteousness?” No! In Acts 7:54 it states, “When they heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him.” Who was furious, at whom and why? The Jewish people became furious at Stephen when He accused them (his fellow Jews) of nailing Jesus to the Cross and missing the Messiah. They did not like him. They hated him, so much so, they stoned him to death! In Luke 6:26 Jesus said, “Woe to you when men speak well of you, for this is how they treated the prophets.” So it’s not that.
There are so many things we “expect” in this life. We expect to have our prayers answered, and answered our way. We expect to be prosperous, including financially. We expect to be healed, after all doesn’t the scriptures say, “That what so ever you ask in the name of Jesus will be granted?” We expect so much in this temporal and momentary life. But the one thing Jesus said that I WILL have in this life is trouble! As a matter of fact, these are His exact words, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
You see I need to read scriptures like these. I need to be reminded that it is his purposes for my life that will be unfolded.
In Isaiah 46: 9-10 the Sovereign Lord says,
“Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is to come.
‘I say: My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.”
You see, today I have had a rough day. It has actually been a rough few weeks.
I feel silly admitting my weakness (but I want to be ranked among those as Paul) especially when I just wrote on my blog a few days ago... Lord let me have a Christian home. A home where the mommy teaches the Bible and teaches her children to love it. Well today I was not an example of that. In all honesty, had the humility factor not shown up this would have been leverage for my girls to turn from the Bible. Before the night ended and they settled into their beds I gathered my daughters and read 1John 1: 8-10 with them and really emphasized vs. 9.
It states, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.”
So with my daughters I confessed my sin of anger and frustration combined with unkind words. As I sat there and asked for their forgiveness I was humbled yet disappointed in my failure. As I cried and received their forgiveness and prayers I realized the things that are occurring in my life are all planned and purpose by the Sovereign Lord for whatever reason. I may never know the reasons but I can trust that He will grant me peace. I know if I really wanted to be stubborn I can make things happen. I could change the way the things are in my life. God would allow me to go my way and follow the way that seems right to me only to learn that it is His ultimate will that will be achieved.
So I write tonight because I have a heavy heart. Somedays are just hard. Life is hard. Jesus said, “In this life you will have trouble!” Expect it!
I can’t help but question why? Is it because of Satan...perhaps? Is it because of sin...maybe? Is it because of this fallen world we live in...possibly? Have I done something wrong...more then likely? But regardless of the reasons why trouble is in my life or in your life...it is all granted, allowed and purposed by the Sovereign Lord and somehow...that is comforting.
Before I close I want to end with a scripture about the Sovereignty of God and many scriptures of the tribulations promised to the children of God.
Isaiah 48: 17
This is what the Lord says-
your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.”
Acts 14: 21-22
Then they (Paul and Barnabas) returned to Lystra, Iconium and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain in the faith. “We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God,” they said.
Roman 5: 3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us.
Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
1 Thessalonians 3: 1-4, 6-7
So when we could stand it no longer, we thought it best to be left by ourselves in Athens. We sent Timothy, who is our brother and God’s fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. You know quite well we are destined for them. In fact, when we were with you, we kept telling you that we would be persecuted. And it turned out that way as you well know. But Timothy has just now come to us from you and has brought good news about your faith and love. He has told us that you always have pleasant memories of us and that you long to see us, just as we also long to see you. Therefore, brothers, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because or your faith.
Life is not easy! The Lord never promised it would be. He promised to be with us, to never leave us, to see us through it, to grant us peace, comfort and grace. He will strengthen his people and he will not leave us without hope.
Every year Ramiro goes on a fast. He has been doing this since 2000. His fast's vary. Sometimes they last a few days and have lasted all the way to a full forty days. They consist of refraining from various things. Every time Ramiro goes on a fast the Lord is always faithful to speak and move in our lives. Although I have seen the hand of God through Ramiro seeking for Him through fasting, I have never had the determination, desire or discipline to join him. BUT...this year was different. For some time now I have felt a great need and desire to get healthy. My weight was skyrocketing and I felt awful. So in complete honesty I started a forty day fast with Ramiro on January 1st in an attempt to get healthy and lose weight. Up until January 16th it had pretty much been a cake walk. It was not hard to refrain from eating. I was simply just sticking to water, juice and broth and I was fine. BUT then the Lord spoke to me. You see inwardly, much more then my weight, I was struggling with unforgiveness and shame. The Lord told me I was hiding and embarrassed because of the falling out I had with another person. I could see how unhealthy and unwhole I was. I was walking with fear and I just didn't know how to let it go. I remember on Monday night, January 17th, standing at my sink, washing dishes, thinking about what was going on in my heart. I began to pray..."Lord I don't know what to do anymore. I am consumed by this. It has affected every area of my life and I just don't know how to let it go. I don't even know what it looks like to lay this situation down at your feet. All I know is that I am going to do it and trust you will somehow help me, because Jesus I need you. I really need you!" Well the very next morning I was doing my BSF homework and low and behold the answer to my prayer came. As I studied Isaiah 37: 9-17 I saw a word picture of King Hezekiah learning thru a message that the Assyrian army was coming to destroy Judah. With great fear he took the message and LAID it before the Lord in the temple and worshiped the Lord. To me, that was a picture of what it looks like to lay something down before the Lord. Needless to say, the Lord helped King Hezekiah and I was hopeful He would help me too. Two nights later, I followed my husbands lead and went to embrace the very people I feared. The Lord gave me courage, strength and humility to do what I needed to do to receive the healing I so desperately need to be healthy and whole. I needed to let go, trust God and forgive. But I could only do those things with the help of the Lord. As of today I feel so cleansed. The fear, the shame and guilt is gone. I am so thankful for God's greatness and for being my Lord. Well, needless to say I was encouraged to continue the fast BUT it got harder! It was harder to stay away from food. All I wanted to do was eat and I craved everything. Well I lasted until the 30th of Jan. Again the Lord spoke to me. After the 17th the fast became about losing weight not seeking Him. The Lord showed me to get healthy physically it was going to require hard work on my part, a sacrifice, which I was not willing to do because I'm...LAZY!!! But I realized I couldn't go on starving myself. I learned that I need to learn how to eat! I need to watch what I am putting in my mouth and how much!! And... I need to started exercising!!! So I am doing those things. It has been hard! But I determined to change my bad habits into good ones, get healthy and keep the weight off. All to the Glory of God!!!
Keep me in your prayers.
I need them.
Phileo,
Patsy
Isaiah 37: 9-17 9 Now Sennacherib received a report that Tirhakah, the king of Cush, was marching out to fight against him. When he heard it, he sent messengers to Hezekiah with this word: 10 “Say to Hezekiah king of Judah: Do not let the god you depend on deceive you when he says, ‘Jerusalem will not be given into the hands of the king of Assyria.’ 11 Surely you have heard what the kings of Assyria have done to all the countries, destroying them completely. And will you be delivered? 12 Did the gods of the nations that were destroyed by my predecessors deliver them—the gods of Gozan, Harran, Rezeph and the people of Eden who were in Tel Assar? 13 Where is the king of Hamath or the king of Arpad? Where are the kings of Lair, Sepharvaim, Hena and Ivvah?”
Hezekiah’s Prayer
14Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD.15And Hezekiah prayed to the LORD:16“LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth.17Give ear, LORD, and hear; open your eyes, LORD, and see; listen to all the words Sennacherib has sent to ridicule the living God.
Woe to those who go to great depths to hide their plans from the Lord, who do their work in darkness and think, "Who see's us? Who will know?" You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, "He did not make me"? Can the pot say of the potter, "He knows nothing"? Isaiah 29:15-16
This little, itty, bitty nugget came from my BSF study this morning. It brought with it great thought and understanding. In our society today I see it and hear it everywhere. What is your purpose? What are you going to do with your life? There are even books and counselors to help guide me to find what I'm "created to do." How arrogant! How ignorant to think like that! To think I know what my future holds, how to make it happen and how to get there. And yet, for most of my life, that is how I thought. At a very early age, I wanted to have it all and I wanted to have it fast. I wanted to become a nurse, own a flower shop, buy a house and get married. By age twenty-three it happened. I graduated from nursing school in August 1995, got married September 1995, bought a flower shop February 1996 and bought our first home September 1999. Now how's that for making things happen! But you see, even though I had all that "success", I had accomplished "great things", I was still a failure. In reality I hadn't accomplished anything at all. You see, we had just come to know of Jesus in September 1996. I worshiped Him with my mouth but my heart, my heart, was very far from Him. Read Isaiah 29:13-14, he is speaking of His own people. At this point I qualify. When I look back now, fifteen years later, fifteen years of being shaped, molded and worked on by the Lord I realize and see things so much different...it is not my life to lead, but rather it is His hand to follow. Even up to a few months ago. Again, God showed and said, "It is my purpose you were created for." And what is that purpose...I think it quite ironic... Simply to raise my family. Why ironic? There's no glory there, there's no wowing anyone with being a mom. People aren't impressed by my title..."homemaker." Ahhh, but God is. God knows me all to well. It's true. He knows what "success" does to me...it cause great pride! But humility... it causes great submission! And after all that is were the Lord wants me. He wants me in a place where I can submit and not resist. Where I will obey what He desires to do in my life. What does He want? He wants something I would have never planned for myself, something where the focus is not on what I can accomplish to bring me glory but rather what God can accomplish through me to bring Him great, great glory. My purpose...to raise my children, build my home and love my husband, all to the Glory of God. He desires a new generation of Gutierrez's that will know Him, love Him and serve Him. May His will be done! What is your purpose? Phileo, Patsy
It has been months!!!! So much has happened since my last blog in May. First, I finally got a working computer last week, and secondly, I have so much on my heart share.
"To God Be The Glory"
Do you notice the resemblance? It's Simon Peter! You know, one of Jesus' chosen disciples. Sure, we could be twins! All you have to do is look real good and you can see what I see... that we are much more alike then you know.
Just what am I talking about... pride, shame, hurt, weeping, arrogance, weakness... the list goes on and on. Peter was God's chosen "Rock." But he was also God's chosen weakling. God used the very makings of Peter to show me a mirror of myself.
Rewind, April 2009, I sat with my friend, complaining as usual. I was talking about this Christian and that Christian and why don't they do things like this and why don't they do things like that? And in the middle of my rampage my sweet friend turned to me and said, "Patsy, I can tell you exactly what your problem is!" "Oh yeah", I said, "What is it?" "Your problem is pride.", she said. I said, "Well of course I'm proud, look at all that God has done in my life. Look at where I once was and look now. Look how much change he has done!"
Wrong answer!!! My reply should have been one of gratefulness and thankfulness that He had done anything at all. But for the next twelve months the Lord took me on a journey to show me my pride, to humiliate me with it, weep for site of my sin and bring me back to forgiveness and grace.
Impulsive and boastful Peter said in Mark 14: 29, "Even if all fall away, I will not!!!" Isn't that pretty much what I was saying? No one else can endure the way I can. No one else loves you more than me! They will fall, no doubt. But not me Lord, no way! But did Peter fall? Absolutely, and he fell in front of them all. It was humiliating!
On the very night Jesus was arrested he was pretty much told by Jesus to calm down, don't make such arrogant claims, for this very night you will indeed fall away. As a matter of fact you will completely deny you ever knew me! But Peter doubted, even exclaiming I will never disown you! He didn't yet fully believe that Jesus knows the inward makings of the heart. He didn't fully know the limits of his own weakness and strength. So Jesus was going to have to prove it to him and teach a lesson that he would learn well and never forget.
Mark 14: 66-72, Matthew 26: 69-75, Luke 22: 54-62 and John 18: 15-27 all give accounts of Peters betrayal and fall. In addition they speak about him being broken and weeping bitterly. Those are quite descriptive. Broken, just what did he need to be broken of? His pride, his arrogance, his self-will.
Weeping bitterly, what for? Perhaps he saw himself for what he was. A betrayer ranked among the lines of Judas. He saw his sin and ultimately what he was capable of on his on strength.
From the death of Jesus, to the resurrection, to when we finally see Jesus meet with Peter and some of the other disciples on the beach we really never hear pride from Peter again. You see Jesus, in his gentle love, restores Peter. He makes sure to make it known. "Feed my Lambs." In other words care for my very own, love them as you have loved me and as I love you. I never read Peter making a boastful claim that he loves Jesus more then the other when Jesus asks, "Do you love me more then these?" As a matter of fact he is beside himself again with wonder because he knows that fall he just had and he also knows that Jesus knows his heart better then he does. But in Jesus' gentle way He loves on Peter and brings him back to that place where he can walk in confidence with his Savior.
Is that me? Absolutely! God just took me through a humiliating season of seeing how far I can really go for Jesus. He showed me how much sin was in my heart, how much shame I bring him when I fail him and fall and most of all the lonely feeling of not having his presence with me. And I wept... I wept bitterly to see me as I was. I experienced humility once my pride was removed and I was able to call upon the name of the Lord to forgive and he did.
What did I learn? Never again will I boost that God has done more in my life or that I am more faithful than another. John 15:5 "Apart from me you can do nothing!"And that is the truth!
One other note that I was thinking of today. It will be one year this June 2nd that I suffered a miscarriage, and as sorrowful as that loss was... it was nothing compared to the sorrow I felt for disappointing my Lord and not having His presence felt near me!
Blessings, Patsy
BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) has closed it's study of John for the year. I can't even begin to tell you how much I have learned and how much my life has been changed from what I learned. God was so good to me. He placed me in the heart of a thriving group of women. The overall women that attend are amazing, as I learned today, but I am also talking about my core discussion group as well. I had the most dedicated leader, supportive and faithful co-searchers and awesome lecturer. Although learning the Word was the highlight I have to tell "what else" God has done. In our groups we have something called ASK. This is where we make our request known. We ask each other to pray for certain requests. I have to tell you the two things I requested were answered!! And as I listened to the many ladies share their thoughts about BSF today, many, many other women had their prayers answered as well. John said in his gospel account that all these things were done so that we may believe and in so doing we would have eternal life. Well God has done just that! I told my leader I have never seen God answer so many prayers as he has done through ASK. I am so encouraged to pray more and pray with others!! Thank you Father. I can't for next year to learn Isaiah!
Music by Jason Upton from the Faith Album that has encouraged me in the Lord.
Click here to listen to I Will Wait . Listen to No Sacrifice.
Listen here to Just Like you.
These are just a few of the songs from this record. I started listening to Jason Upton's music back in 2005. I had put it aside for the last two years. Recently I started to listen to the Faith CD and it has lifted my soul. The music is pure worship unto God. It truly glorifies all that God is. This is an artist and album that I would encourage.
Blessings on the journey,
Patsy
Titus 2: 3-5 (NLT) Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husband's and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husband's. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.
Do I exhibit the virtues listed above? Absolutely not! Well, at least not all of the time. You see I am a work in progress. The words... teach and train say to me, "You have a second chance. You get another try to get this right. Now is your time Patsy. You will be taught to love your husband and your children. You can be trained to live wisely, to be pure, good and kind. And you will be taught to work well in your home and submit to your husband." You see, I read hope in those words. Jesus didn't call me once I was ready. No, no, no! He is making me ready. And in the process where I fail and fall way short... then His grace will be sufficient for me. And it will be for you too!
Blessings friend.
Philippians 2: 12-13 (NLT) Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away. it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.
It's been no secret that my thoughts have been all over the place. Feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and confusion were running rampant in my mind. My feelings had over taken me and affected every area of my life. Most of it was caused because I lost focus and could no longer see the bigger picture. I had forgotten God's goodness, His grace, His wonderful promises, His mercy and Him. I looked exactly like the Israelites as they murmured and complained through the wilderness. Oh how the Bible can be quite reflective. The Israelites, Peter, Paul and David... I am definitely kin to them. We have the same sinful tendencies. We once served the same master! We once believed his lies and acted on them. At times he still desires to deceive me, and has. But the Lord God is faithful; And not because of anything I do well. He is faithful because I am incapable of doing anything well. Last time I wrote, Ramiro and I were on uneasy ground. I was unsure about many things. Where once I thought the moment he got home would be filled with anger and awkwardness was quickly replaced with compassion and forgiveness. My focus has been made clear, my priorities have been set and my face is a flint! Why the change? What caused it? Circumstances? Nope. It's God working within me that gets all the glory. Only God can take me from that to this, from sorrow to laughter and from wanting to content.
You see alone I can do nothing! This I am sure of! But through God I can do anything because He gives me the ability to do it.
Do I need to forgive... I can do it!
Do I need to humble myself... I can do it!
Do I need to see straight... I can do it!
Expressing true forgiveness, repentance, dying to my selfishness, killing pride are the things I refer to when I hear "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Because to try to accomplish these on my own are impossible. I absolutely need God when I am asked of Him to do this.
Anyway God is faithful, especially when I am completely faithless. After all, isn't that the message of the Gospel? An able Savior saving unable Sinners... of who I am chief (sorry Paul.)
Tonight if you are at an all time low, get even lower! Humble yourself before the Almighty God, bow at His feet and look up to Him. He awaits to forgive you. He longs to embrace you. He desires to shower you with grace and mercy. His love never ends and His mercy endures forever!
My trial is now over... but another is soon on the horizon. But my lesson in learning is that God is faithful! He has always been with me and will never forsake me. And friend the same is for you too!
Blessings!
Ram asked, "What are you doing?" I replied, "Working on my blog." "Oh yeah. What are you writing about?", he asked.
I said, "I'm writing about the girls fishing at Landa Park."
Then he replied, "Why don't you write about us?"
What! I was taken for a moment. Write about us, right now, what we are going through! Well that is exactly what he meant. He wants me to write what we are experiencing right now.
Well as of today we are on a rocky road. We have always been pretty transparent people. If we are happy we laugh, if we are sad we cry and if we are mad we fight. We have never been fake in just being who we are. But the struggles we are facing right now are different then just mere emotions changing. We are on a rocky road in our marriage right now. We are angry with each other, we are hurt with each other, we have said "not so nice" things to one another and there have been many questions raised. What's at stake... everything! The easy option is to say.. "That's it! I've had it! It's over!"
But we never do anything easy and quitting is not an option.
So what's the solution.... Christ's example! Wow, it is so much easier to say it then do it. Right now I don't want to forgive, I don't want to be kind, I want to stay upset and I want to remind him of his failures. Ok, nows the time to look at that "cute little photo" up there and say I can't believe she is acting like that. But it is true! I am just like anybody else, except for one possible difference... My faith. You see, that woman you see in that photo has only one real choice. Yes, I may not want to forgive, I may want to stand in my pride and continue to be ticked off. But if I claim to walk with Christ, if I claim to have any inheritance in His Kingdom than I must swallow my pride and do all that Christ requires of me.
I don't want to forgive Ramiro, but Christ forgave me. I don't want to show kindness but even when I hated Christ he extended great kindness to me. I really want to stay upset and remind Ram of his failures but then I remember the Lord says he forgives my failures and remembers them no more. You see I don't have an ounce to stand on, I just can't win! If I want to be his disciple I have to live out what he first lived out. No matter how much I have been hurt, not matter how much I may even be right, the fact remains I still do not have a justified reason to not humble myself and extend love, grace and mercy.
You see, this is what I am talking about. This faith walk is so much harder than I could have ever realized. Forgiveness is not easy. Showing kindness and giving a gentle word or touch seems almost impossible. But when I stop and think and really understand the Cross and what it means for me. Then I have no excuse.
So look again! She looks so sweet, a picture of maternal bliss! But her heart is in opposition to the Lord. There is sin at work that desires to have her. But there is also the Holy Spirit at work that will ultimately win her.
My prayer tonight... Patsy, humble yourself! The Lord will oppose you if you continue to stand in your pride (no matter what rights you think you have). But He will give you the grace you need if you choose to humble yourself. Oh Jesus help me to do that. Help me to love my husband and help me to truly forgive and then ask to be forgiven.
Easter is upon us. Last year seems like it just past yesterday. I can remember it so vividly. The season brought with it cold temperatures. Children hunted for eggs with sweaters and blankets. We gathered at a friends home for a bar-b-que and I found out I was pregnant. I remember my thoughts were so focused on the Cross. I can see in my minds eye how I felt then. Thankful, grateful, humbled are just a few of the things that come to mind. I remember listening to a message about the Cross and the wrath Jesus endured for me. It made so much sense and made me appreciate Him so much more.
But everything is different this year. I'm not in that same state. As a matter of fact I feel lost. My love and passion for Christ is certainly not the same. At times I feel like I don't even know him anymore. And needless to say it has affected every area of my life. To be quite honest my relationship with Ramiro is on very shaky ground. My marriage doesn't even make sense anymore. Many times it seems like I don't even know who I am anymore. Ram and I got into a huge fight before I left to Mexico (to go "serve"). While there I thought I heard the Lord speak to me. I have heard so much lately I know I have even heard and believed lies. But while I was there I read Philippians Ch. 2
Imitating Christ's Humility
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
1that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
1and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
That is exactly how I have been feeling lately... like nothing. I am here to serve. I have become a bit bitter in my service. It's got to be pride surfacing. I'm upset when I serve, serve , serve and get no recognition for it. How arrogant and boastful. But my heart shows itself and it is wicked. I've let it interfere with my marriage to Ram. I have become dissatisfied with him to the point I believe he may not even love me. But again it's because I am being selfish. I want a return for what I am putting in. I am not getting what I expect I should get and I am upset.
My inner most prayer, my hope... is that I really want God to make me nothing. Then I know I can learn to serve without thinking of myself. I want to really love & serve my family, friends, the mission work and especially my husband without any type of expectation. I want to get to that point so much. I want myself to get out of the way so that I can really see the Lord. He has not abandoned me or tossed me out with the trash. In fact I believe He is disciplining me. It is painful and hard but Jesus never said the road to rid myself of sin was going to be easy.
Today I just returned from Reynosa and I have already fought with Ramiro because of pride. It will kill every time. My prayer tonight is that I would not listen to all the other voices and learn to hear my Fathers voice once again.
The following are photos of our family the day before I left with the girls to Mexico. We went to Landa Park and spent time together in the midst of our struggling. Three days later Ramiro left in a different direction to go work. I am here at home again and he is gone. God is at work. I don't know why He has chosen this path for us but I pray that I learn to submit to it and trust Him.
Blessings.
Then I saw the beast and the kings of the world and their armies gathered together to fight against the one sitting on the horse and his army. And the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who did mighty miracles on behalf of the beast—miracles that deceived all who had accepted the mark of the beast and who worshiped his statue. Both the beast and his false prophet were thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur. Their entire army was killed by the sharp sword that came from the mouth of the one riding the white horse. And the vultures all gorged themselves on the dead bodies.
The Lord has really convicted me this week. I have forgotten or perhaps, I never really understood how powerful His Word really is. In this passage I read that Jesus, the Coming King will destroy with His Sword...which is His Word! When He comes again all those that opposes Him, doubt Him, do not believe in Him, rejected Him and Satan and his workers will all be utterly destroyed without escape. He will accomplish this not by metal or iron, or technology we use in war today but by His Sword. His Sword is his Word. His Word will come straight from His mouth and all will hear it come forth. How powerful must His Word really, really be if He is able to annihilate with it. Genesis says that He spoke and He created the world into existence. He has said for me to not worry, to not doubt and to believe. He has said that I am much more precious than the birds and He takes care of them, will He not take care of me. He has said it is His desire to take me from darkness into His marvelous light. He said to trust Him. He said to cast all my cares on Him for He really, really cares for me. He said it is all finished. He said you are forgiven. And this is the part that made me realize...He said go. Jesus said," Go therefore and make disciples of all nations."
This world is living in darkness. Evil has taken and captured the souls of His creation from the beginning of days. Jesus came to set at liberty lost and bound souls. I can see it everywhere. I first saw it in myself. Satan made me down and oppressed because I too was believing a lie. You want to know what the lie was? He made me discontent with my present circumstances. So much so that I could not even see the goodness of God in my "right now." God has called me to this present life, whatever He has chosen to bring with it! This is what he desires for me today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. But Satan made me believe that right now wasn't good enough... look at everybody else! And I began to feel hopeless. But then I remembered His Word. How he will destroy this very one that lives to destroy me. And my Lord Jesus will do it in an instant with His Word. If His Word was powerful at the beginning and it will be powerful at the end, it must be powerful enough right now. I am challenged to "Go!"
Go Patsy, go forth, the Holy Spirit is with you! He promised it so! Do not be afraid of the unknown, do not be afraid on the evil one, do not be a afraid of what the future may or may not hold. His word declares..." lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age!"
Blessing friends and be encouraged to "Go!"
Humility. Jesus Christ was the ultimate example. To say that you’re sorry when you have offended another, or even greater to love and serve another when you have been hurt... Oh how great a task! To live this out is not natural, it doesn’t come easy and yet, Christ commands that we do so. Why, because He has done it himself! The Cross, silent before his accusers, denying his deity, taking my punishment, the list goes on and on. But the one example that keeps playing over and over in my mind is Jesus and Judas.
John 13: 1-17
It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?" Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." "No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." "Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!" Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you." For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. "Do you understand what I have done for you?" he asked them. "You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. I tell you the truth, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
What a picture! What truth! What an example! Oh Father, that I may only glorify you in following through with this extreme call to humble myself before you and men. Jesus was quite extraordinary. How many times have I not been able to live out this very command that he has required of me. All to often, when I am offended I can barely look at the other person, let alone deny myself and serve them. How shameful! And what exactly is shameful? When my due credit is not recognized, am I going allow myself to walk shamed before men? When I have been wronged and my forgiveness is not sought? Or is not obeying the Lords commands actually more shameful? He said, “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”
I have been walking through a lesson of humility. God is teaching me to really love my brother despite. I need to forget my feelings and my desire for my offender to know they have wronged me. I need to stop waiting in my hurt until I hear a plea for forgiveness and forgive instead.
Jesus never ever showed an outward display of a need for his offender, Judas, to admit he had wronged him. In fact, he never makes any attempt to coax Judas into paying him homage. In fact just the opposite.
This is Jesus; knowing all things. He never said a word but with a display of power he made himself look shamed by taking the place of a servant (the lowest of the low) and cleaned the very one who openly hated him. Jesus poured out love to his offender. He offered to make himself nothing that his enemy would be spared a future of suffering and consequence, that was rightfully due him.
Judus, Peter, John, you and me, we all have a punishment and sentence of death that is rightfully due us. But despite, Jesus forgave, he humbled himself, he washed and pronounced on that Cross you are forgiven!
Patsy accept his forgiveness and like wise forgive, love and shamefully lower yourself and serve. Serve the very ones who have hated you. “Love them.” says the Lord, “As I have loved you.”
Had I always desired motherhood. With a sad heart I say, "No." There was a time in my life where all my accomplishments were me centered. I remember when Jamie was a very young, three months old I returned back to work because we had just bought a new car. Although now I can see how God's grace was evident way back then, the shame is that back then I simply couldn't see it. God had always looked after us. Although I desired career, career, career, I was still particular on who I wanted to watch my child. So "ironically" at the same I returned to work a small house came up for rent right next door to Ramiro's friend's house. His mother was the sweetest woman I had ever met and for the first two years of Jamie's life she was her caregiver and "abuelita." Mrs. Valdez and her daughter showed Jamie more love than I probably ever could have. They feed her, loved her, played with her and made her the most beautiful homemade pinata for her 1st birthday. I don't think I could have done a better job. After all, I was really only consumed with myself.
God made sure that Jamie would be loved while He worked in my life to show me what kind of person I was.
Fast forward twelve years... today everything is totally different. God's grace is still as strong as ever but with a completely different twist. I am now aware of it! He has been so merciful and gracious. In April 2004, I said, "Good-bye" to nursing and "Hello" to motherhood. The road to get there was rocky and for the first few years I didn't really know what I was doing. But now, again, by His beautiful plan unfolding, I am learning the art of motherhood. What I have learned is that it is so much more than procreating... it's molding and forming and instructing. It is work! Genuine motherhood, effective motherhood is hard work. I often jokingly say, "I am busier now than I ever was when I worked." The weariness is not just physical but mental. So much thinking goes on throughout the day. Just constantly being aware, picking up body language and being intuitive to them is tiring. But what I have learned is if I am not their influencer someone or something else is going to be. I want my arrows to fly straight when they are launched out.
Psalm 127 1 Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain. 2 In vain you rise early
and stay up late,
toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to [a] those he loves. 3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him. 4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Ramiro's favorite passage is the first, while mine is the latter. My parenting is in the middle stages. I am no longer where I once was; And I am so eternally grateful. Yet, at the very same time, there is still so, so much work to be done in this old heart of my. But what I have learned is that God is good! He may never grant me everything I want. But He has promised to change me into the very image of His Son... which is more precious than gold.
Blessings to you reader. We are never without hope. It is never to late. He timing is always perfect. And to the broken and contrite He will not despise.
Love, Patsy
